Wednesday, September 27, 2017

A Photo From Another Life

Mid-September is our anniversary. We were married 5 years ago. We have something really exciting and big in the works over the next few weeks (don't worry, I'll definitely blog it!), so we kept our celebration small. Justin got us VIP passes to the local movie theater and we watched American Assassin in a smaller room with cushy recliners, blankets, and wait staff. It's totally overpriced for seeing a movie, but the novelty of it is definitely worth it.

It's crazy to think it's only been 5 years since our wedding, and also that it's already been 5 years. So much has happened to us during that time that it feels like I've been with him forever. But when I hear the duration of the time that has passed, it sounds like our wedding just happened. Am I making any sense?

Our wedding 5 years ago was simple. It was at my favorite place in Salt Lake. Between my grandparents' deck and their tomato plants, and the homemade decorations, we stood in our best dress, greeting and hugging guests. I never saw myself having a big wedding. I only ever wanted the exact one I got. My mom did everything to make it perfect, and then she stood by us all evening in her citron jacket, with a big smile on her face. 

That day is on my list of the best days of my life for so many reasons -- we committed to each other forever, the weather was perfect, the setting was perfect, the whole day was perfect. It was also one of the last days of my family's life where Brain Tumors were a thing that only happened to people we didn't know. It almost seems fitting now that we'd have a big party bringing the entire clan together one last time before the scary stuff began. 

I swear, the longer I live, that there is balance in all things. Deaths happen around the time babies are born, big gains happen either shortly before big losses or shortly after. The longer I live, the more I see this pattern.

Sometimes when I look back at these photos, and see her standing there in that bright green jacket with so much life within her, it feels like it was another lifetime ago, or someone else's life that I'm looking at. It's hard to wrap my head around it all. 

It's amazing to me that you can live so much life, and suddenly start living another, leaving your old life so far behind it's just a faded memory somewhere in your mind.  

I don't really know that girl in the wedding dress anymore. She seems so young and far away from me now.

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