Monday, June 29, 2015

When Reality & Time Smack You In The Face

Do you ever have moments where you're suddenly smacked in the face with reality? Lately, more and more, I am realizing my age and what it means. I am 31. Most of the time I don't really think about it. Every once in a while, though, I'm sitting here like, "Holy crap, I'm 31 years old." 

So, why does that freak me out a little? Well, freak me out is a poor choice of words. It basically makes me overloaded with nostalgia, and feelings of "GET MOVING."

High school graduation
I never really noticed how much time was passing in my twenties. It felt like it would last forever, and it really did. I worked and studied and socialized endlessly. I was constantly expanding my social circle because I was in college and single. I rarely slept until I'd finished college. It seems like it's been decades since I graduated from high school and moved out of my parents' home. I've had at least 8 jobs (I lost count), I've earned an Associate's Degree to be a paralegal, I've had 5 majors, earned a Bachelor's in Psychology before realizing I didn't want to go to grad school and listen to other people's problems all day long. (I realized I am sensitive to people's moods, and wouldn't be able to leave their problems at work when I went home. I still may revisit this one day. I get tougher the older I get.)

I was an event planner for 5 years. FIVE YEARS. That was my post-college career. It fell into my lap and became a career. I still can't believe I spent 5 years in that position. Now, I work for a marketing company, at an entry-level position, and would never go back to my old better-paying career because I learned an important life lesson -- the money is never worth the complete, utter exhaustion.

I've buried my mom, broken up with toxic friends, lost friends to time, dated a lot of people good and bad, married the funniest man on earth, and bought my own house. I've purchased 3 different cars, lived in 4 different cities, traveled to Europe and Central America, and built a garden in the middle of the city on a concrete slab. I forgave my absent father, I forgave myself for all my problems, and I learned to love appropriately. I got myself a therapist and jumpstarted my healthy life. I have fallen in love and had my heart broken, only to heal and do it all over again. I have learned what commitment is. I've earned a wrinkle.

College graduation
When my little brothers were born, I was almost 12. They were the last kids born into our family, my mom was almost 41 when they were born. I remember thinking about how old I would be when they graduated high school. I would be 30. It seemed like that would never come. 30 was so far into the future I just could never grasp it. When I moved away from home, I missed watching them grow, and thought about how much time would still need to pass before they were actual grown-ups themselves. I would call home and visit and they'd always be there. Well, that is long past now. That was over a year ago. They are well over 6 feet tall, and have become 19 year old men. My older siblings are parents with multiple children, some fully-grown themselves. Life is a blur these days. 


Since then, they've moved on to college and adult life, and all of my siblings have kept on in their lives as well. My stepdad got remarried and inherited a whole new batch of kids to raise. None of us ever saw any of this coming. 

It's crazy how things just keep rolling on. 

Life goes by so fast. We always trust that we'll wake up tomorrow and have more time. I am starting to feel that I urgently need to stop procrastinating and make my dreams become a reality. I have so many goals and dreams, and I can't believe how in less than 10 years I'll be in my forties. I hope that those 10 years take as long as my twenties. I have so much life to live, and so much I want to accomplish. I want time to take forever because I feel like these are, and have been, the best years of my life. It's crazy how suddenly life provides a reality check that feels like a smack in the face. I've been thinking a lot this year about how quickly time is progressing. It speeds up the older I get.

I better get moving.

Does your age ever smack you in the face? 
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