Milepost 1,095: A Tale of Anniversarial Proportions

1,095 days ago I woke up after sleeping hardly a wink. I was in the twin bed in my grandmother's basement. The very same one that 6 months later I'd be sleeping in after taking care of my mom upon her release from the University of Utah Neuro-Critical Care unit post brain surgery to remove her deadly tumor. This was the very same room I'd slept in countless times throughout my life on family trips to Grandma's house for holidays, reunions, and visits. But this date wasn't sad. I wasn't sleeping there wondering what the next year or months of my mother's life would include. I was there, listening to the bustle of energy in the house above, breathing deeply, and trying not to freak out. You see, big events for the anxious aren't just big events. They are gargantuan. 

I told myself, "It's not a big deal. We're ready. Don't freak out, Lana. Don't freak out. You know what happens when you freak out." I ran to the bathroom. I was freaking out and when I freaked out, I got physically sick. What happened to the peaceful feeling I had for the past two months since our engagement? What happened to the calm, cool, collected, Lana from the night before? Oh, that's right. She woke up on her wedding day and realized she was getting married.

The rest of the morning was a blur. My hair and makeup girl was late. So late that I started doing my hair and makeup myself while cursing her name. I couldn't leave the bathroom for very long once she was there, I was too sick to comfortably sit through the arduous hair and makeup session. So we half-did my hair. Looser curls, minus the twisty braids, plus a few tiny twists we hadn't planned before to give it SOMEthing. Suddenly, we were at the place for our ceremony, I was wearing white, and my great-uncle who was marrying us was giving us the pre-ceremony chat. 

"Can you be as fast as possible during the ceremony? I might be sick again." He laughed at my question. 

We were already late to start because I'd been late to arrive. When we were looking into each other's eyes while my great-uncle officiated, I don't remember a word that was said. Suddenly, he paused and everyone was looking at us.  I blurted out, "YES!" I was sure he was to the part of the ceremony where it was my turn to agree to the marriage. Everyone laughed at me, including Justin, and I looked at my great-uncle and he was smiling. "Not there yet, but good to know!" Everyone laughed again. 

The rest of the ceremony was a blur, but suddenly we were being cheered on for what we'd just done, and the photographer and family surrounded us. 

We have not had an easy ride since then. Life has been everything but easy. We had military deployments, job losses, my mom's brain cancer and death, PTSD, depression, anxiety attacks, waaaaaaaaaaaay too many sleepless nights, sleep-filled days, and illnesses caught because of extreme stress. We've had fights and impromptu dance parties, Netflix marathons and jogging sessions, lots of debt, and lots of income, great paying jobs that killed our happiness, and we're currently in months of not enough money to risk it all for something that could be life changing, but we've never been happier. We have had one cesspool apartment, and bought our first townhouse. We've sold two trucks, traded in a defunct car, and been stranded in Idaho with no headlights. He's sat by my side when I was in the emergency room, and I've slathered his entire body with Bengay, and accidentally rubbed it on my face, when he threw his back out and couldn't walk. We've faced loss together, and cheered when things went our way. We've had dreams be crushed, and formed new ones, and through it all we've stuck it out for 1,095 days. 

I think I'll still be crazy about him on day 1,096. 

Happy Anniversary, Boo.

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